a feeling between belly and chest. it strikes against the shoulders. the shoulders make the arms follow them. i observe my hands, how they move around me, my belly, how it wants to touch my back. hips and hands. pressure on my skin. i’m there. i try to find out, what i’m made of. bones, muscles, flesh, skin is what i’ve learned once. i am without time. not to see oneself from the outside. it seems to be observable. i’m moving even when i’m standing still. what would i have been feeling? does the body want what you’ve been giving it or do you give the body what it wants? thoughts become experiences. i have to experience. i need everyone to experience. heads misguide. you have to feel to forgive. feeling myself, i feel everyone. everything is language. skin, movement, touch. we know. the fear to recognize oneself. the fear to recognize oneself in another. falling too fast to see where you’re going. not having to know, what you’re gonna discover. there is no repetition. i will always learn. i will think. quiet. breathe. breathe on. exposing oneself. it’ll be good. it’ll seem not to matter.
feet are underneath me. I take a look, yeah. silence. later it becomes clear, that there’s body between the feet and my belly. I close my eyes to take a look around. draw myself up, my skin gets thinner. it still holds together, what wants to go in different directions. the longer I move, the thinner it gets. til I need to touch myself, to see that it’s still there. gravity in the shape of a ball around me makes everything get drawn away from me, starting with my rips followed by the shoulders. you shouldn’t count on it though. suddenly getting carried away, while taking the first deep breath. don’t hold up. you won’t forget to breath, hopefully. familiar souls thrust themselves into the space close around me. start, one after the other, to pull my knees and push in my ribs. beginning, all my body parts fight on their own. they slowly start to see, that they pull each other or are in each other’s way. to restrain oneself not to show them old tricks. the way out is through. and again. and again.
when a body dares to come into my space, one with skin and smell, maybe eyes, euphoria about the actual presence of my combatant keeps me above water for a while.
thanks to the companies, dancers and choreographers for their participation and support:
Gallim Dance New York [Andrea Miller], GöteborgsOperans Danskompani [Adolphe Binder], Sidra Bell Dance New York, Zappala Dance Sicily [Roberto Zappala], Ballet Bern, Lucia Albini, Jim De Block, Carlye Eckert, Genna Baroni, Neal Beasley, Bret Easterling, Caroline Fermin, Mario Bermudez Gil, Allysen Hooks, Moo Kim, Maria De Dueñas Lopez, Troy Ogilvie, Amit Preisman, Maud de la Purification, Francesca Romo, Erin Shand, André Soares, Emily Terndrup, Georgia Usborne, Dan Walczak, Jonathan Royse Windham, Arika Yamada